Excel Saga: Jerus
by Jerus
Summary: If you know my work then you know what to expect.


A purple haired boy is sitting in front of a shrine.  
Boy: Oh great and glorious one please say the words and stamp your seal so that i may honor your series.A man with brown hair and glasses and kanji on his forhead appeared in front of him holding a seal.  
Man: I Koshi Rikdo do hereby give my permission to turn the Excel Saga anime into a crossover fanfic.  
And with that he slammed the seal into the screen.  
Boy:WAHOO!!!!!

Title:Jerus's Premiere

opening

Deep underground in the sewer system Illpalazzo was sitting on his chair.  
Excel was nowhere to be seen Hyatt was leaning against a wall blood trickling out her mouth.  
Hyatt: Hail Illpalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa groaned zo.  
Illpalazzo: Ahh agent Hyatt as punctual as ever but where is agent Excel.  
Excel's voice: Excelisonherwaybutshecantbelievehowfarthisauthorsiswillingtogotoripoffthevariousanimesthatwillbeseenlateronintheficandevensomevideogamesaswellhellheevenimitatesnabeshinbutthatsnoexcuseforexcelexcel'sabsenceshewasmerelytardybecauseshewasbusytryingtofindawayoutofthenecrophilesapartmentwheresheendedupwhenthegreatwillofthemacrochosmwasbeingextremelyslowandwowthistunnelisextremelylongiwonderhowmuchlongerit'sgoingtotaketogetthereohwaittheresthedoor.

Excel then Burst into the room.  
Excel: Excel is deeply sorry lord Illpalazzo but she was having problems dont ask.  
Illpallazzo:I understand Excel Excel:Really Lord Illpalazzo!  
Illpallazzo: Actually No.  
He pulled the little rope that dropped down and nothing happened. He looked at it then tried again.  
Illpalazzo: Hmm oh well. As for your mission today.  
He cleared his throat.  
Illpalazzo: This world is still as corrupt as ever . Do you know what has kept us from succeding in our grand and glorious plan for conquest of the city?  
Excel raised her hand and began jumping up and down.  
Hyatt: Could it be that outside forces are working against us?  
Excel Exploded in a fire ball as Illpalazzo smiled.  
Illpalazzo: Very good agent Hyatt. Apparently two people one named Kabapu and the other Dr. Gojo Shioji, have been working against us according to our temporary agent from ACROSS HQ.  
Excel looked around confused as Hyatt died yet again.  
Excel: Excel is wondering where this agent is dearest lord Illpalazzo.  
Voice: Right here.  
She looked behind her and saw a boy with purple hair. This caused her to jump 50 feet into the air.  
Excel:Please dont do that again.  
Boy: I am Jerus Hakubi Author of the fic and son of Washu Hakubi.  
Illpalazzo: I didnt get to ask how is she?And why is your hair diffrent from last time i visited.  
Jerus:Very well sir she wants you to pay another visit. and as for my hair well it's the lighting.  
Illpalazzo nodded then continued on his original topic.  
Illpalazzo: As I was saying i want the three of you to infiltrate the city defense department.  
and assassinate Kabapu and Dr. Shioji.  
Excel: Yes lord Illpalazzo I your faithful servant Excel Excel shall honor you name and kill those arrogant bastards who dare try to stop our glorious organization of ACROSS.  
Excel began ranting as usual and Jerus just looked at Illpalazzo.  
Jerus: Is she always like this?  
Illpalazzo just nodded.  
Meanwhile Iwata, Sumiyoshi, Ropponmatsu 1, Ropponmatsu 2 , and Watanabi are walking down the street  
Ropponmatsu 2: Where is big sister?  
Ropponmatsu 1: Perhaps the author has forgotten her name and decided to write her out of the fic.  
Jerus popped up.  
Jerus: Hey shut the hell up Robot woman.  
He then sank back below screen.  
Iwata: So Ropponmatsu want to go on a date?  
Ropponmatsu 2: I'd love to Iwatchi.  
Iwata smacked her on the head.  
Iwata: Not you brat!  
Ropponmatsu 1: That would be enjoyable Senior Iwata.  
Iwata: really!  
Watanabi:This is really unbelievable.  
Sumiyoshi's Kanji: Tell me about it.  
Ropponmatsu 1 and Iwata walked off and left Watanabi and Sumiyoshi with Ropponmatsu 2.  
Just then Matsuya walked up.  
Matsuya:So what did i miss?  
Ropponmatsu 2 pounced on her.  
Ropponmatsu 2: Yay big sister the fanfic author remembered your name!  
Suddenly a boot came of nowhere kicking the robot child in the face.  
Jerus: Shut the Fuck up you little Bitch!  
Watanabi: Guy's got a worse temper then Nabeshin.  
Sumiyoshi's Kanji: Your thinking of the other show.  
Watanabi: Riiiight. Anyway I cant wait to see Miss Ayasugi. Despite everything i know we can be together.  
Sumiyoshi's Kanji1: well this is a fanfic you never know.  
Watanabi: What does that mean!  
Sumiyoshi's Kanji: It means whatever the author wants to happen will. So if he wants to he'll write you two together.  
Watanabi:Really!  
Sumiyoshi's Kanji: Just look at Iwata.  
Watanabi: Good point.  
Matsuya who was helping ropponmatsu get back to her feet looked at Sumiyoshi.  
Matsuya:Sumiyoshi can you help me get the kid back to the apartment?  
Sumiyoshi's Kanji:Ok.  
The two of them carried the girl off.  
Just then Hyatt in a cooling suit Excel and Jerus walked by.  
Jerus: So then I stood up behind him grabbed his hair pulled his head back and began stabbing him repeatedly.  
Excel: Excel is impressed by the amount of psychological damage you seem to have could it be because that your an insane maniac with a lolicon just like shioji?  
Jerus Gored Excel into a soda machine as Watanabi ran up to Hyatt.  
Watanabi: Miss Ayasugi! I'm so glad to see you! Jerus in the background ramming excel facefirst into the machine.  
Watanabi:But i do want to ask why your wearing that strange outfit.  
Hyatt smiled as Jerus picks up Excel and powerbombs her on a bench in the background.  
Hyatt: Why hello Mr. Watanabi. It's an outfit designed to keep my body at a consistantly cold temperature so i can stay alive.  
Jerus doing the Jeff hardy hand sign before leaping off a second story roof doing a swanton bomb onto Excel's fallen form. Watanabi: Wow. Well i'd like to ask you would you like to go out with me?  
Jerus was now dressed in black robes and was doing the tombstone piledriver to Excel.  
Hyatt:Ok. can i meet you at the diner at 6:00?  
Watanabi's heart soared.  
Watanabi: Sure.  
Jerus and Hyatt dragged Excel down the street as they headed to Shioji's lab. Suddenly them came across a short pink haired girl about 7 years old wearing all black, sunglasses, an cross necklace, And had a bottle of scotch in her hand.  
Jerus: Chibi Usabourne. What are you doing here?  
Chibi: HamFckingtaroguvmehdadeuf Jerus: Ahh so you decided to tour F city?  
Chibi:F city? Fck i thought this was Crystal Fcking tokyo.  
Jerus: Sorry it's not Chibi:Bloody Fcking Hell!  
Chibi walked off.  
Excel: Excel is thinking she should not have been making such suggestions about the authors state of mind as she is now in a lot of pain.  
Jerus: Smart move.  
After a while they ended up at Shioji's Lab.  
Jerus: I'll go inside. Hyatt make sure Agent Excel doesnt do anything.  
Hyatt nodded and Jerus headed inside the dark warehouse. He thought he heard strange noises coming from behind a door.  
He walked over and threw it open pulling a magnum out of his shirt pocket.  
Jerus:Holy Sht.  
Shioji and his assistant were under the covers.  
Shioji: We were just playing.  
Jerus put a bullet through Shioji's skull sending him flying backwards off the bed and landing on the floor.  
Jerus: I don't care.  
He wandered out and saw Hyatt and Excel talking to Nabeshin.  
He decided to go find Kabapu on his own. He found the F city defense headquarters after a while and got on the window washers device and lifted up to Kabapu's window.  
Kabapu: Shioji's late for once. That must mean something has happened.  
Jerus aimed his magnum at Kabapu and fired. The bullet shattered the glass just ask Kabapu turned around causing the bullet to knock of his mustache.  
Kabapu:ASSASSIN!  
He leapt and hit the button to summon Municipal force Daitenzen Meanwhile at the Apartment Sumiyoshi Matsuya and Ropponmatsu 2 were caught up in threesome and never answered the call.  
And at Iwata's apartment. Iwata and Ropponmatsu 1 were enjoying a nice shag in the tub and were from from the communication devices.  
Jerus had his gun at the back of Kabapu's head.  
Jerus: Good night.  
Jerus fired a shot killing Kabapu just as Watanabi burst through the door and fired his Daitenzen pistol hitting Jerus and sending him out the window.  
Watanabi: Oh it's time for my date with Miss Ayasugi!  
He ran off as Jerus fell down to the street below luckily Excel broke his fall and they all headed back to the base. Illpallazzo: Well Well i'm quite pleasently suprised you managed to complete your mission.  
Jerus: And you know what that means.  
Illpallazzo looked at him.  
Illpallazzo: Oh yes. Well you did keep your end of the bargain i shall honor mine.  
Excel: Excel is wondering what this bargain is?  
Illpallazzo: Excel please come into my bedchamber. and Agent Hyatt i believe you have a date to get to.  
Excel began hyperventilating and blushing.  
Excel: Do you really truely honest too goodness cross your heart hope to die stick a needle in your eye everyone loves cherry pie mean it my lord Illpallazo!  
Illpallazzo just nodded and Excel pounced after him and the door behind the throne closed behind them.  
The screen fades to black

Mission..........We'll have to wait and see.

Fades back in to Jerus, Nabeshin, and Koshi Rikdo drinking Saki.  
All: Yeah!!!!

Credits. 


End file.
